willpower and new year

With the new year almost here and resolutions flying all around us, I have given thought to a book I am reading that has struck a cord, answered a prayer, sent up flags what ever or however you want to say it...got my attention. The book is titled "the richest man in Babylon" by George S Clason and here is the part that has captivated me:

"Will power!" retorted Arkad. "What nonsense. Do you think will power gives a man the strength to lift a burden the camel cannot carry, or to draw a load the oxen cannot budge?

Will power is but the unflinching purpose to carry a task you set for yourself to fulfillment.

If I set for myself a task, be it ever so trifling, I shall see it through.

How else shall I have confidence in myself to do important things?

Should I say to myself, 'For a hundred days as I walk across the bridge into the city, I will pick from the road a pebble and cast it into the stream,' I would do it. If on the seventh day I passed by without remembering, I would not say to myself, Tomorrow I will cast two pebbles which will do as well.'

Instead, I would retrace my steps and cast the pebble. Nor on the twentieth day would I say to myself, 'Arkad, this is useless. What does it avail you to cast a pebble every day? Throw in a handful and be done with it.'

No, I would not say that nor do it.

When I set a task for myself, I complete it.

Therefore, I am careful not to start difficult and impractical tasks, because I love leisure."

Another author who has also pinged my interest has said almost the same thing, when we agree to do a task, we do it. If we choose to not do it, we, in essense, determine that the person we have committed toward is not worthy of the time to complete the task. So if I promise myself, then what does that say about how I feel about myself. If I have promised to someone else, what does that say about how I feel about that other person? Thought provoking eh.

This year, as I sat in tithing settlement with my bishop, we discussed the idea of living with a budget. I told him that I was looking for a new resolution and that would be a good one for me. I thought it over and considered all the things that I need to learn to budget...my finances of course, my time would be good, my calories definately, then I considered what things I wanted to include in my time allotment. I want to increase some of my talents, hone them to be precise, so by promising to devote a certain amount of time each day to that talent is in essesnce my pebble in the stream, my exercise program is another pebble in the stream. So, I've determined some ways to make changes over time. The time limit is this year coming, so for 2014 I resolve to do my 15 minutes of morning exercises M-F, work on my drawing skill for 15 minutes each day M-F, practice painting techniques for 5 hours each week and work on ways to stay within my established financial budget. (the secret to the financial budgeting is to pay the Lord, then pay myself then budget the rest, read Clason's book!)

I've laid it out there, now I will show how well I will treat myself and how much integrity I possess by how well I complete these resolutions this year. 

Let the journey be a glorious one!

Back on the horse

Getting back on the horse seems like an appropriate phrase for where I am today. I have not really been a fan of horse riding so the analogy fits my apparent reluctance to step back into my program. I told one of my girls that I was absolutely converted to this program...spiritually, I'm just having trouble transfering it to the physical realm. (Isn't that true for most of us?)

What does that mean exactly? I'm not sure. I know that I hide, or want to hide when trouble comes visiting. I tend to sit on the sideline and observe the action when I feel threatened and that is an all consuming behavior when it happens. I pull in emotionally and physically during times of stress. I guess it would be correct to say that I hide in small places, secure in my ability to protect my most vulnerable parts. And it would be logical to state that in such a tight place, the ability to stretch out and move is greatly inhibited. Therefore, once the threat has removed, the coming out and resuming of life can once again return but it does take a bit of time to get the kinks out from squatting in that safe place for so long.

So, I am out. I went to the gym today. I weighed and measured and was pleased to see that the damage was not so great as I had feared.  Over all, when I last measured, I had lost 11 inches overall and 7 lbs. This little detour has cost me a 3.3 lb gain and 6.5 inches.

Sometimes it just feels like I am fighting myself. So many things I want to do are just harder because of my girth, yet, reducing the girth is such an uphill battle I wonder if it is even possible to win.

BUT, whether it is possible or not, that is my lot and I have determined to persevere in the course at least for this year. I will get back on that blasted horse and I will ride it til next September and we will see what the journey brings. It is still my journey and I am still committed to taking it to the end, just the way I planned it. I will do the program and all I have promised to do because if it is to bee, it is up to mee!

Conversion

One of the definitions of conversion is the act or an instance of converting or the process of being converted.  Convert means to cause to change in form, character or function. Synonyms include change, transformation, metamorphosis, etc. The other definition is the act of scoring an extra point or points after having scored a touchdown.

Both definitions imply an effort being expended to achieve a goal. Neither one implies that the desired goal is always achieved in every effort. I hold on tightly to that message. This journey has been met with uphill challenges, smooth sailing days and also with dangerous waters followed by shear drops.

As is often quoted at my house..."Don't tell me, we're about to go over a huge waterfall"
                                                    " YEP"
                                                    "Sharp rocks at the bottom?"
                                                    "Most likely"
                                                    "Bring it on"

I love that movie and all the characters in it who each are on their own journey. (The Emperor's new groove) So I remind myself that this is a journey toward my conversion to a new way of life. Eating healthy choices "MOST" of the time and finding ways to move and strengthen my body. I keep telling myself that is the journey, but still, not so secretly, I want to change my appearance too. It will come, but I must stay true to my program. I chose it, it did not force itself upon me, I CHOSE IT!

So each day I am pushing to encourage myself to find ways to stay with the program. Move more, eat better, drink water. Sounds simple enough. So, today, I choose me, I choose to live the program, I choose to become converted to a better way of living. And if Chris was here today, I know he would say..."I CHOOSE YOU!" so I choose me too!

weight and measure day

Accountability can be dreaded or desired depending on which side of the line we are standing upon. If we have been true to ourselves and our goals, then this day is one in which we can proudly state "come what may and love it, if we have been less than true to ourselves and those goals then we may approach the accountability as a dreaded judgement waiting to see how far from the mark we have strayed. Me, today? Well, I didn't dread it but in all honesty, honesty to myself and those who are my cheer givers, I have not been strictly true to my program thus not honestly true to myself either. Some of those old weaknesses peaked in and I opened the door to them like they were old friends. Truth be told, they are not my friends, these old behaviors have no place in my new life and as I look back over the week, I can see that they do not support my goals. In fairness though, they don't hold revered places anymore like they once did; ( the shrines have been knocked down so to speak) so our visits will definately be shorter in duration, less intense because I have found better friends to turn to in need, and the frequency of visits have diminished. So all in all, I must say I am moving forward --boldly going where no Dessy has gone before!

Okay, now the numbers.  I am down one half lb, down 4 inches (the machine had a glich and said I had lost 3 inches in height as well); body fat down 2%, fat lbs down 4.4 lbs and BMI is down by 0.4 pts. All in all, a down day! Which means it was a Down week, which means I was truer to myself than I had thought! Can I do better, HECK YES! But, lessons have been learned and changes are being made, reinforcements are holding and the battle is still being fought. So to this day; I say "Measure, smeasure, come what may...and love it.

Back to the Gym

I've been absent from the gym for several weeks, wedding, trip to Florida, trip to Texas, infection in leg, sick from medicine to cure infection in leg, bla bla bla...at any rate, today I went back. My good gal pal who is doing the buddy system with me said she was going back so I decided I needed to make friends with the place again too. We walked up together (that is always my favorite part, being with my friend!) and back and while there; we went our separate ways to do our own things. I was feeling pretty good about my treadmill progress so I figured I should be able to crank out 15 minutes on the track with no trouble. I walked the first half to get the feel of it, plugged in my earphones and started chugging away. I made it around 2.5 times before this guy (old guy...about my age!) walks past me. WALKS past me and leaves me in his dust. Not to worry I told myself, I could walk too if I wanted but I wanted to jog and that is what I am doing. Only one foot on the ground at a time, that is my definition of jog! Then another person zooms past me followed by another. Finally after going around the track one more time, I slowed to a walk. That is pretty sad, my walk wasnt really that much slower than my jog. I went on to the circuit of weight machines and then one more lap around the track, walking. I felt a little deflated. Although, I did make it for 10 minutes of my 15 minutes so I guess it wasn't all that bad for my first public outing as a "jogger". I know that if I keep going I will eventually be able to zoom around the track like those other gym goers and I dream of that day. I know it will happen, until then, I will just be the albatross that clomps around the gym, steadfast and true just like that little engine who climbed the hill. "I think I can, I think I can, I T H I N K I C A N....

Endure

This week is my 15 minute jog week. I made it to 3/4 mile today and felt pretty good about myself and the accomplishment. Clearly I am not burning up the pavement yet and I may never get to that status, but I am 3/4 mile further on my journey than when I started. I am one month into this journey and there have been several distractions along the way. Distractions are not always evil or unwanted, they just distract us from our target. Distractions can be short moments of appriciation or they can be stop dead in the road occasions. These distractions can also come in a form that takes us off the path to a whole new destination or back to an old way of life if we are not vigilant in our efforts to reclaim our goal. We can choose to learn from them or we can choose to let that opportunity slide by in ignorance. I chose to look at my distraction and evaluate how it can work to my advantage. I know there is always a solution if we are really intent on accomplishing something and the people who love us will rally around us and cheer us on too. So; no matter the distraction that comes my way, I am still committed to completing my course! I will endure to the end.

Flynn or Eugene

Yesterday while I was visiting with Mr. and Mrs. Calabash, the topic of Disney dopplegangers came up. Mr. Calabash was aware that our family was known to choose one of the "royals" that we most identified with and assume a shared identity with that character. He mentioned that he fancied himself as Flynn Rider, dashing young hero who may be just a bit outside of the law, but big hearted. We chuckled along with him, talked a bit more about towers, castles and fiinding our dreams then we went our separate ways to get on with our individual tasks for the day.

It has stuck with me though. Who are we really? We aspire to be whomever we have the audacity to be. Don't we try to emulate those whose character qualities are such that we admire? Don't we work to look like the kind of people others would feel safe around and open for conversation? Haven't we been told that we should shake off the flaws that cumber us and embrace better ways? Yes! Of course!

At this stage of the relationship, I don't know if the statement he made was just in jest or if there was some underlying desire to fit in with the clan. If it is the latter, then welcome aboard. We welcome you with open arms and are glad to have your richness of character joined with ours. If not, well, it was good to know that we are recognized for our desire to look for qualities that can help us find the royal inside us and magnify it along our lifes' path.