Come what may and Love it

Some years ago I participated in an art class held at the local college. Our assignment was to do a self portrait. As I worked on that portrait, I channeled all the hostility, self loathing and bitterness I was feeling about myself into that painting. I guess it was sort of a reverse Dorian Gray moment. Even the teacher commented that while the picture had a likeness of myself, it certainly wasnt complimentary. I took it home and my children saw it. One daughter remarked that I must have been having a really bad day.  I guess I had been, but until that moment, it hadnt occurred to me that I was taking it out on myself.

In a General Conference address years ago, Elder Worthlin made a statement, "Come what may and love it". That sentiment has hovered over me like a protective umbrella. It reminds me that no matter the situation or the choices of those around me, life is going to happen. I can choose to love where I am, move or wallow. The choice is mine to make and once made; the attitude that follows is also mine. So, with that said, I will report the results of this weeks weigh-in.

I am down by 4 lbs, yes, good news! But the picture gets a little frazzled after that. Since I do my weigh ins at the university gym, the biomeasure scale gifts me with additional information. My lbs of fat increased from 87.7 to 101.1--that is a 13.4 lb increase. Also, when I did my body measurements I had gained 0.5 inches. Those numbers are not deal breakers, and it just reinforces the fact that I need to be more careful on my plan. Having guests in the house has shaken my resolve to exercise and eat the 5 meals as prescribed. I have seen others fight this fight and lose to this stumbling block. I never thought I would join them, but it just shows we are all in the same boat so to speak. I watched them overcome and I will overcome as well. I can see myself in my minds eye and I am slim and healthy. So I am working to keep my eye on the prize. I plan to say to these "hurtles"... Come what may, and love it!

Answered Prayers

Last night I listened to the Presidency of the General Relief Society of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints tell us about how we are a covenant loving people and that as we care for each other we are demonstrating our covenants made at baptism. I was thrilled to listen to these great women uplift us and encourage us as we sat spell bound in the chapel of the Stake Center. I was feeling very appriciative of the blessings I have received, especially the most recent blessings.

My doorbell rang Friday afternoon. I had just sat down to have some lunch and was surprised to hear someone at the door. I was even more surprised and amazed when I saw standing directly in front of me, on my very doorstep none other that my beloved Mrs. Calabash! If wishes had been nickels, I would have been a millionaire in that moment.

As it turned out, she and her husband were between engagements and had time to visit afterall. I invited them in and to stay for a while. We were able to speak openly and put to rest some misunderstandings that had kept us apart. I believe it was a relief on all sides. I just know that I am grateful to once again have the company of one who has been gone and now is here. I am hopeful that this is the beginning of a long and lasting relationship with both Mrs. and Mr. Calabash.

God does answer prayers. I do believe in miracles. And to all my other sweet girls and boys; good night, wherever you are!

Safe Havens and Sabotage

Today is weigh-in day. Last week I missed weigh-in because I overslept. Today I was ready. So the results you say? Okay, first the numbers then I will expound on the lessons I have learned. My weight went up by 2.7 lbs. I have been working hard these past two weeks on my exercises and my jogging to strengthen myself even if the diet portion hasn’t been followed with fidelity. That said, here are my other stats: BMI went down by 0.4, percentage of body fat went down by 10%, and the number of fat lbs that I carry went from 108 to 87.7. So I will not allow myself to be down about these numbers. Also I lost another 4 inches. Yes, the lbs went up and were most likely the result of the bag of chocolate candy that became my best friend this week but still, not bad considering.

So now to the lessons I have learned. My coach, Chris Powell, has stated that if we must cheat on the program we must do it outside of our home. We are never to bring the accursed temptation into our safe haven. I broke the rule. I brought the demon bag into my safe haven and it tempted me and won, all week. Now I understand that the not in the house rule is for my protection and I will follow it with integrity and fidelity from now on. What brought this on you may ask, well, I had an interaction with the hubby of Mrs. Calabash this week. It was not nice nor was it promising. Basically he let me know that he did not consider myself and the hubster to be any family of his or his wife and that we were not worth the time for him to educate us on how to live a better life (according to his new philosophy and religion, which he invented himself and for a price is willing to enlighten the world). I wanted so badly to speak with my little girl, I wanted to hear her voice, soothe her fears and calm her world but I wasn’t allowed past the guard-dog who calls himself her husband. Thus, the chocolate; I’m grateful my body didn’t revolt with all that sugar!

What then does that have to do with sabotage? You may have guessed that Sabotage is a deliberate action aimed at weakening another entity through subversion, obstruction, disruption, or destruction.

In the Netherlands in the 15th century when workers would throw their sabots (wooden shoes) into the wooden gears of the textile looms to break the cogs, fearing the automated machines would render the human workers obsolete.

I was playing into the adversary’s plan to weaken me but I have turned and am fighting back with faith in myself to pick myself up and keep moving on with the good strides that I have made. I look forward to the next weigh-in day of accountability. I also look forward to sending loving messages to Mrs. Calabash through the only means available to me, text messages and facebook messages letting her know how much I love her and admire her for all her strengths and talents. I pray she will one day be able to see that her family misses her unique spirit so she can visit with us again. Until then, Good-night Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.

Law of Moses or Law of Eminent Domain

The power to take private property for public use by a state, municipality, or private person or corporation authorized to exercise functions of public character, following the payment of just compensation to the owner of that property. legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife, nor his man servant, nor his maid servant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbors. Exodus 20:17

Which is for the greater good? Sometimes that question is hard to answer. I read stories about the pioneers in Nauvoo who were chased out of their homes by persons who had the law on their side. The saints needed to go through those trials and those trials defined them. They ultimately became stronger in so many different ways and learned lessons that would not have been learned any other way. Just like the Nephites who had to leave their home because some of their own family desired to kill them. They packed their tents and whatsoever things were possible and departed into the wilderness. They did observe to keep the judgments and the statutes and the commandments of the Lord according to the Law of Moses. And God was with them and they did prosper exceedingly.

What makes people want to hurt someone else? What causes someone to harden their heart against someone?  Ultimately we can only do what we can do. We have no control over the feelings of someone else, as long as we have an open heart and mind we can solve any problem. Both sides need to be heard and feel safe for trust to grow. When one side is closed off then it is difficult to reconcile any differences. We all make mistakes and deserve a chance to repent of those actions. I just hope that someday the ones I love will allow me the chance to work out any of the problems that have occurred. It is hard to feel rejected by the ones you love. It's also hard when so many efforts have been made then used against you or not recognized. Only time will tell I suppose. But for now it doesn't make the heart-pain go away. That will take time too. 

And it came to Pass

As the scripture says, “And it came to pass”, it doesn’t say that it came to stay!

This morning as the hubster was preparing to leave the house for the day, he encountered a really large spider in its web strung across the exit from our glass doorway. Being the superman that he is; he just grabbed the broom and went out another way then cleared the obstacle from the path so that I would not be encumbered if I chose to go out that door. Like I said, “SUPERMAN!” 

Sometimes we have obstacles in our paths that cause us to make choices that we shouldn’t make and we make that choice maybe because it is easier, or less scary or who knows what reason we give but ultimately it is not the path we need to be taking. I realized today that the spider was my wake up call to literally wake up earlier everyday. I have chosen the easy route this past week and have just gotten up when I felt like it. (Usually when I hear the hubster turn on the shower). I commit to myself today that I will set my alarm and get up by 5:30 A.M. every day on Monday thru Friday; Saturday and Sunday can be my sleep in til 7 days if I want because I don’t have an exercise appointments on those days.  I’ve done pretty well staying on track with the diet and exercise for the most part. Water consumption still is an uphill effort, I manage about a half gallon everyday but still that is short by about a half gallon. Since I overslept today, I missed my weigh-in at the gym and had a call come in during my workout session. All that could have been remedied by getting up at 5:30! I did manage to take a measurement though and I am happy to report that I am down 4.5 inches in my goal to loose 47 inches. Yeah! Only 42.5 inches to go,  it is progress in the right direction!

Just like the pioneers who learned so many life lessons while crossing the country to get to their promised land, I am making my journey. Some days may be fraught with obstacles to overcome. Mornings may come way too soon and the effort may at times seem overwhelming, but this is my journey and I am determined to see it to the end. I know I will have tough choices to make but I trust that my faith will help me chose the right path so that I will reach my own promise land.

Prodigal

a person who spends money in a recklessly extravagant way.

a person who leaves home and behaves recklessly, but later makes a repentant return.

Our scriptures tell a parable of three men living in a home and thus three perspectives on an event that happens there. One of the men seeks to take his share and leave home to live in the world as he desires. One chooses to stay at home and work for the other man who happens to be the father of both men. The one who chose to leave spends his share of the monies in a reckless and extravagant manner then chooses to go home again to work for his father again knowing that his will be an offering of service without gain. The man who chose to stay is not thrilled that his brother has returned because their father has welcomed the other man back with a feast and gifts. This man still has his inheritance, still has his place in the family and yet is unsettled by the show toward the other man. No where in the parable does it talk of the reaction of the women in the home. I would like to believe that the mother shed many tears upon hearing her son’s decision to leave home for parts unknown. The sisters whom he left must have also been bereft over his departure and so here is how I see their part in this story.

The father sees his son coming from a long way off and calls to his servants to prepare a feast. The women in the home cry for joy as well. They all are so overjoyed to have this beloved one home again that they bustle about getting his bed refreshed and ready. They set out clean clothes and prepare a bath with sweet smelling soap and a soft towel to dry himself. They seek to find the ingredients for his favorite dishes and hurry about to prepare them, all in the interest of letting this loved one know how much they have missed his presence.

I’m sure there is much about the parable that I have not understood, but by trying to liken it to myself, this was the only thing I could perceive. As women, we love those whom we nurture and never stop loving them even if they choose different paths that take them away from us. As I listened to Elder Hollands words today about how to help one who has strayed, his counsel was that most often the help comes in the form of a third party. It will not be me who receives the prompting to help this loved one, it will be someone else. I have felt this principle from the moment my prodigal left home and I know it is true. So I have begun to pray for those who will receive the promptings that will bring her home again. Elder Holland also said to keep a 3 x 5 card handy to write any promptings down on so they won’t be lost. Then when we have that free moment to act upon it we will remember what we had been prompted earlier to do. Sister Holland said that we all have the spirit of Christ in us. Even when we think we aren’t doing what we need to be doing, we still have that spirit inside us because He put it there and He knows us.

So I pray for those who will be the rescuers of my prodigal and I pray for strength to follow the promptings to help rescue someone else’s prodigal. That I may bring joy back into their lives. I know that the light of Christ burns bright in all my loved ones and will shine through the darkness for us to find our way home to He who loves us all.

Put your Shoulder to the Wheel

The image is that of an old-fashioned farm wagon or cart that has become stuck in the mud. The way to get the thing to move is to push it, and one would literally put one's shoulder against the wheel in order to give the most force to the effort.

This journey I’m taking sometimes feels like it is going uphill and that my wagon is slogged down. So I ask myself, what is the muck that is slowing my progress and how can I put my shoulder to the wheel to get it moving again? I’m doing my exercises daily, I’m staying on my diet program yet something has been nagging at me. Sometimes it isn’t that there is a mucky way, it’s just that the road is on a steep incline and the need for new energy is necessary to continue. I think that is more like what I am facing. I received revelation a few weeks back that I needed to get to know the neighbor ladies. I am sure they are all sweet wonderful women but I got stuck in the road to extending an invitation to lunch with me. I just want an opportunity for us to get to know each other. Yesterday, I had help. One of those sweet ladies was walking her dog and waved “hi” to me. That was my opening, I told her what I wanted to do and she enthusiastically encouraged me to make it happen. I felt a surge of strength pass through me, and my wagon moved forward just a bit. Empowered with the notion that all the women would feel as this lady did, I walked across the street, up to her door and knocked on it. I explained what I wanted to do and she was thrilled. Ahhhh, more joy filled my heart. Finally I walked down to the last house and knocked on her door. Her husband answered. I timidly asked if I could speak to his wife, he let me in and called to her. I had never met this woman in all the years I have lived here. My son used to play at this house and I had never met her, my husband knew the family, but I did not. I entered the room, told her who I was and explained my mission. She was delighted! Now I am three for three and so relieved to have that part over. We all agreed that the lunch would be in 2 weeks. That way everyone had time to arrange schedules etc so we could spend time learning about each other.

I’m excited for this new growth opportunity. I love the lessons and strength that my daughters have taught and demonstrated for me. I find courage and a renewed drive to carry on after talking to each of them. These are amazing women! Yes, even you Mrs. Calabash! It took real courage to stick to your convictions and go your own way. You have always demonstrated great inner strength; I love you. I miss you and I would love to spend some time with you.

To all my girls, good night, wherever you are!